Sunday, November 05, 2006

Rumors and Ruminations

Okay, we have finally tracked down the blockbuster rumor of Coltons Point. Rumor has it that Burnim and Murray, the Hollywood Production Company of The Simple Life starring America’s
Richest Dizzy Blonde Paris Hilton and her skinny sidekick Nicole Richie is considering shooting a future episode at, yes, you heard this right, the Colony of Coltons Point.

Since most of you have never seen this strange reality show I’ll give you a thumb nail sketch. It is about a couple of rich kids going someplace and trying to fit in. It is as dumb as a cross-eyed crab running the hundred yard dash in the Olympics. Still, Paris does draw superstar media attention and maybe some of the good stuff will rub off.

If these two valley girls ever show up imagine what we could do with them. After Hillbilly Joe and Duke Deere take them for a tour of the Point on the John Deere they will show them how to fix a riding mower. Then Jeff the Town Crier will take them to the piers to fetch the crab traps since they will most certainly have to prepare a crab fest.

If they escape the vicious Coltons crabs alive it’s off to Quiet George’s Arrow Beer bar for food and drinks though they will be extremely disappointed at the selection. I doubt Paris has ever had a Bud or Bud Light and that’s all the Arrow Beer Bar sells.

Guess we could throw them a Bluegrass Hootenanny hosted by Mayor Bob and Lady Anna, featuring the Bluegrass Boys Band of Pointers, better known as three “B”s and a “P”. Most of our bluegrass boys are older than the hills but we can prop them up for one more gig as long as the Emergency Service truck is on standby.

King Bob of Marina fame wants to throw a parade so we can wheel out our only float of the museum, call in the three piece marching band, drive them around the block about six times, then ease into the billowing tents of the Bailey boys along the shore for yet another Lighthouse fundraising dinner. This time we will even get the portable toilets on wheels with the carpeted ladies lounge and heated seats. Don’t want those Hollywood celebrities spreading any rumors about the Pointers being backwards.

By the time we finish with those girls they will be fattened up and ready for a month at the spa not to mention the need for extended sessions with their shrinks. So how about that, an episode of The Simple Life in little old Coltons Point, the only town on the map in Maryland that isn’t even a town, or city, or village, or sanitary improvement district.

You think this will be good for Coltons Point then get out your pen and write to the producer of the show Joey Carson, CEO at Burnim and Murray Productions, 6007 Sepulveda Blvd, Van Nuys, CA 91411. Tell him you think Paris needs a jolt of the reality of our reality or it really isn’t a reality TV show at all.

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