News Briefs

News Briefs

Democrats Win - Oil Prices Increase

Been listening to the news the last few days desperately searching for anything of interest to report and about the only news was oil prices went up after the election. Seems in spite of the record warm temperatures the oil market is worried about running out of winter supplies. Do they really think we are that stupid? Guess they had to do something when there were no hurricanes to disrupt refinery capacity.

They are going to milk every last cent of excess profit out of the American consumer and the odds are the newly elected Democrat majority will do nothing about it. At least Vice President Cheney has someone to share the blame with for high prices.

Now I’ve done a two year investigation into the oil price mess and discovered some provocative information which will be released exclusively in the Coltons Point Times in the immediate future. I expect you will be a little surprised and a lot disgusted when you hear what all the Washington investigations missed along the way.

Oil Guzzling Car Companies Seek Help from Uncle Sugar

The major US auto makers met with Bush but really sent a message to the new Democrat Congress that they must have a corporate bailout from the government. Seems we must reward them for a decade of mismanagement and executive bonuses. We would be better off letting them fade into oblivion and let the Japanese take over, which they are doing without our help.

Bailey’s Lighthouse Disappears

The million dollar lighthouse in front of the Bailey place vanished over the weekend leaving behind the biggest sandbox in Coltons Point. How in the world will the birds and fish avoid crashing into the piers now? Several unconfirmed explanations have surfaced for this mystery including media pressure, it was removed for remodeling, a big wave took it, or it was put to rest for the winter which is yet to arrive.

Skunk Invasion Underway

Those black and white furry critters are back in force in spite of the Pointers best efforts to discourage them. Multiple sightings are reported nightly. Now the Animal Control has lost control of the situation or maybe just got lost on the way from Leonardtown. Clearly the skunks have been to guerilla training camp because the traps are a joke. Hillbilly Joe thinks they are escaped genetically altered mutant skunks from the Army chemical and biological warfare labs.

World News Briefs

Tom Cruise and Katie Marry this Week

Now the only thing newsworthy about this financial extravaganza is figuring out how a combined Scientology and Catholic service can be held. The castle in Italy is a nice touch for the ceremony though the Vatican probably is a bit put off. The wedding was dragging on for so long it had to be scheduled in a Suri before the baby was old enough to be a flower girl. Other than that who cares?

Other World News

Iraq, Somali, and the Central African Republic (CAR) continue fighting, and France has agreed to help out in CAR, probably to protect the diamond mines.

French socialists may lose the presidency again as the Telegraph of the UK said, “Even by the standards of French politics – a world with an alarming tolerance for charlatans and blow-in-the-wind populists – the Socialists’ three hopefuls are a depressing bunch.” Strange how a Socialist country like France hasn’t had a Socialist president in 12 years. But then the Socialists voting must pay their party dues to vote leaving only about 200,000 eligible voters for president in the primary out of a population of 60 million. And we thought our election system was flawed.

Afghan Women Resort to Suicide

Afghan women, influenced by the example of women in Iran, have seen a startling increase in suicides by setting fire to themselves to avoid forced marriages and chronic abuse. Women and girls are often given away to settle conflicts in the country. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are to be Americans.

Recap

Other than that things remain at the same level of misery and frustration as normal in the rest of the world.

PS

Bush lost the elections and fled to Russia today followed by 8 days in Asia.

A new poll found 57% of voters do not believe the Democrats have a “plan” to get out of Iraq but they voted for them anyway.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a Maryland native, backed Pennsylvania Congressman Jack Murtha over a Maryland Congressman and second in command Steny Hoyer for the powerful Majority Leader position. The vote is Thursday.

Finally, the Internet now has over 100 million websites and over 1 billion users. How in the world will they ever find their way to the Coltons Point Times?