THE PEOPLE’S AGENDA FOR CHANGE

“WE THE PEOPLE!”

Part 1 – What’s Missing in the Campaign?

There is an old saying in politics, probably first stated by Aristotle, Francis Bacon, Ben Franklin or Mark Twain, that goes, “progress is nice, but change is its motivator.” Well change is certainly the motivator in this years presidential campaign marathon. Every candidate from both parties as well as the independents are shouting they are the person of change to lead America into the next debacle, or is it decade?

It does not matter if those very candidates have spent 20-30 years building the same institutional bureaucracies that are the targets of the change mongers; they still claim to be the poster boy or girl for change in America. Good for them. Even the most ardent of anti-change personalities can come to an epiphany and suddenly, and quite dramatically see the light.

Just ask Scrooge from Dickens Christmas Carol or St. Paul after his roadside encounter with the angel. If a tight-fisted miser and a bigoted tax collector can become celebrated heroes then a few well-worn politicians can probably do the same. So I give them the benefit of the doubt in terms of intent. But so far I give them a failing grade in terms of action.

I mean if you are going to be the poster boy or girl for anything don’t you think we should be told what your agenda for change might entail? Substance for change is in short supply in a campaign already inundated in political blabber, name calling and nonsense.

There is an opportunity for a quantum leap in American politics this election whether it is the election of the first Black American, the first Woman, the first mayor (actually two chances for the first mayor), the first Mormon, the first POW, the first rock guitar player (and second native of Hope, Arkansas), the first former first lady, and even the first person with $400 hair cuts.

However, when it comes to substance in their agendas for change not a single politician has come forward first. Change is a really big deal if the candidates are not blatant hypocrites so where is the wealth of new ideas, new programs, new directions, and new policies that are inherent in any agenda for change? Missing in action I guess.

That said, we are going to save them a fortune in research and inject something foreign to most campaigns called common sense by giving them the agenda for change so sorely lacking in their current rhetoric. We are going to give them a mission for change, an agenda for change, and a justification for change so desperately needed by the public.

First, look at the substantial achievements in bringing about change associated with our presidents of the 20th century. There were not many I am sorry to say. But they did include Franklin Roosevelt and the New Deal, Lyndon Johnson and the Great Society, Ronald Reagan and his New Federalism, and, well, hummmm, I guess that is about it.

I can’t seem to rationalize the Clinton Capers or Bush Bushwhacking the English Language as major changes although they did result in comic relief for the masses. John Kennedy would have joined the list of three had he lived long enough but none of his agenda for change was implemented during his lifetime. So there you have it, just three presidents in the last 100 years makes the A list.

Roosevelt’s New Deal pulled us out of the devastating grasp of the great depression with a social agenda never before seen in the USA. Johnson moved us further into the liberal world with his Great Society that implemented the Civil Rights laws and introduced a bevy of social programs. Reagan then brought the pendulum back to the conservative view with his New Federalism anti-big government and anti-Soviet Union agenda. The presidents were astonishingly successful in their agenda for change.

Now comes the current crop of wanna be presidents shouting “change” in every speech and sound bite, well at least when they aren’t shouting at each other, but somehow not offering us any ideas for the change they hold so dearly. So we are going to help them succeed. This series will identify the mission, agenda, Ten Commandments and policy changes needed to bring about the changes most needed by Joe Six Pack and the average American.

Part 2 in this series will focus on the targets for change, those institutional bureaucracies whether in government, the non-profit or corporate worlds that have outlived their usefulness or are in need of dramatic change to contribute to our society and world. Part 3 will identify the ways to fix these targets if they can be fixed or replace them if needed to insure that the first and only agenda in America is “We The People”.

COMEDOWNERS IN COLTONS POINT

When will the boys from up river ever learn that having a home and a boat at the Point does not make one a Pointer Waterman? Then again, maybe this is how they park in Washington, D.C.

SAILING THROUGH THE MELTDOWN

So a global financial meltdown takes place, with foreign stock exchanges losing from 5-15% of their value overnight. Here in the USA the media has the world braced for a collapse of the stock market Tuesday, the day after the Martin Luther King Holiday.

Now there are already a few lessons to be learned. First and most important, no matter how strong the rest of the world, no matter how much strength they have in their currency, they are hopelessly linked to the USA economy if they want to maintain what strength they may have. Like it or not the USA consumer is responsible for 20% of the gross national product of every developed country in the world. We stop spending they collapse.

Another point is that no matter how much foreign investment there is in the USA, it just increases their dependence on the strength of our economy. We don’t make money they don’t make money. And this is just some of the opening points to be made in the so-called worldwide financial meltdown.

So the media creates a hysterical reaction in the world markets with forecasts that we are in a recession, that consumers can’t spend, that the housing market has collapsed and that the financial industry is drowning in red ink. It is enough bad news to drive down our markets and cause an outright panic worldwide. If only someone had bothered to search for the truth. The following chart is the media view of world economics.


The standard newspaper definition of a recession is a decline in the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) for two or more consecutive quarters. That has not happened. From a historic perspective every recession since 1950 generated a 25% loss in value in the stock market. That has not happened (so far we have only lost 15%). So why does the media declare we are in a recession when we aren’t?

Of all the potential answers the only one that makes sense is greed, to increase viewership by hyping and distorting the news. Sadly the American consumer got caught up in the hype. So did Wall Street for a week, and the world for a weekend. Thousands of people, maybe even millions, panicked and sold stock and moved it to safer investments if there are such things. Baby boomers saw their impending retirement slipping away as stock prices fell.

But the carnage promised by the media never materialized because the Federal Reserve, doing what the Federal Reserve is supposed to do which is to protect the USA economy, stepped in, slammed down interest rates, and ended the collapse of the American economy. Thank God someone in the government is actually doing their job. Black Tuesday never happened. Foreign markets around the world felt stupid having just had a Black Monday in anticipation of Black Tuesday.

So what really happened in this ecomomic crisis? Well, inflation in the USA was creeping up to around 4% thanks to two factors, spiralling housing costs over the past two years and spiralling oil costs everytime we need oil. Fact is housing in many markets was selling for one and one half times its actual value, a recipe for disaster. And oil hit over $100 a barrel in the past week, up 35% in the past quarter. It was amazing these two items only caused a modest increase in inflation.

Still, for the economy to stabilize the housing prices had to correct by going back down in certain over-priced markets and the oil prices had to go down which can only happen with increased production by oil producers or reduced use by consumers. OPEC held firm on production but the media preoccupation with the weak economy did cause people to change their energy use patterns.

People began dumping their gas guzzlers for more efficient cars, thermostats were turned down, the Good Lord gave us the warmest year in a long time, and people stopped making all the trips. This time people are dead serious about breaking our dependence on foreign oil and being held hostage at the gas pump. Overnight the oil prices dropped 16%. As more and more people join the revolution to break our dependence on oil the prices will continue to fall.

Housing prices have adjusted much closer to their real value. Just in time for the Federal Reserve rate drops to make low cost mortgages affordable and available again. Cheaper mortgages and cheaper housing, sounds like a great environment for growth. Energy efficient cars are now flooding the market and being embraced by consumers. With falling interest rates people can afford them. That also sounds like a great environment for growth.

The financial institutions have now written off billions and billions in bad debt from all the stupid mortgage deals so that loss has been absorbed. A lot of the owners of housing that was acquired with sub-prime mortgages were greedy investors and foreign buyers so they have been put back in their place with the drop in housing prices and foreclosures.

Long term things are looking better all the time. Of course Bush will be leaving after this year, another benefit in the opinion of most people. The Fed will continue lowering interest. The president and Congress, two of the most unpopular organizations in the USA have agreed on a bail out package which will further fuel the economy.

Don’t sell your stock. If you did you will now have to pay two commissions in order to get back in the game, a fee to sell and another fee to buy back what you sold. Stocks will clearly be a better investment than housing. Commodities like gold have already hit record highs for their owners who have cashed out and the commodities can now drop back to normal levels.

The White House, Congress and Federal Reserve will all be trying to outdo each other to strengthen the economy through the rest of the election year. The troops in Iraq have done a wonderful job with the surge and troops will probably be cut in half by election day, lowering the cost of the war by more than half and saving tens of billions of dollars for the economy further improving the economic picture.

In conclusion, don’t trust financial advisors and turn off the television and we will be a lot better off. By turning off the tube not only will you be saved from the hysterical and slightly deranged media but you will not be subject to the brainwashing from ads that urge you to buy all those things you don’t even need.

THE DUCK BLIND AND BLIND DUCK HUNTERS

Coltons Point has many odd things but the sight of the good old boys floating out in their duck blinds having yet another social gathering ranks right up there. I mean why do they feel the need to trumpet their arrival in the river with pre-dawn shotgun blasts when they could not possibly see any ducks in the dark?

Of course an hour later when it is daylight the only ducks I’ve ever seen around the floating blinds are decoys, dozens of decoys, as if they are the real prey of the hunters. I’ve stood by the museum watching the boys when a massive volley of shotgun blasts exploded and there isn’t a duck or goose in sight, just the dead decoys.

Sometimes I suspect they are just shooting at the decoys so they can tell the woman back home how close they came to bagging one. Most times one guy gets bored, blows the head off a decoy, and the rest of the gang shoot helter skelter so as not to miss one.

So I guess the only thing blind about the duck blind is the hunters perched inside out to have a good time and to make the NRA proud.

CAMPAIGN FEVER – THE NEVERENDING STORY

Every four years the media gets all excited about politics in as much as the TV, radio and newspapers make their biggest advertising profits from the hapless politicians who somehow feel good about paying higher ad rates than huge corporations. Of course it is necessary for the media to have conflict, drama and cliff hanging primaries if the money is to keep flowing in so here we go again.

Someone should sue the states like Iowa, New Hampshire and Michigan for moving up their election dates so far that it forced the campaigns to start advertising the year before the elections. Now any way you look at it that early advertising is cruel and inhumane punishment inflicted on an unsuspecting public and many millions of dollars are spent messing with our minds.

After the first two primaries, the Iowa Caucus and New Hampshire primary, we know the press will get in bed with anyone they think will win, the pollsters should be held liable for the worst polling since the evening weather reports, there have been so many debates no one watches them anymore if they ever did, and all the politicians have lost their voices which might be a good thing.

What have we learned? Oprah is good for winning Iowa. Romney likes winning the Silver Medal. Two people born in the same Arkansas crossroads called Hope can’t possibly both become president can they (Bill Clinton and Huckabee)? Bill Clinton needs to keep his mouth zipped shut too.

Hillary has too many male campaign advisors. Osama can captivate our youth but are they going to vote come November? Who are the other Democratic candidates besides Hillary and Barack? Where is Rudy? Okay, so Huckabee won Iowa, Osama won Iowa, McCain won New Hampshire and Hillary won New Hampshire.

Of course there were then three more primaries, one in South Carolina for the Republicans, Nevada for the Democrats and Republicans and Michigan for the Republicans. McCain proved able again in South Carolina, Romney took Nevada and Michigan, and as if things were not confused enough, Hillary took the popular vote in Nevada and Osama the delegate vote. What in the world is going on?

As we await the Democrats South Carolina primary Hillary and Osama are fighting like a couple of spoiled brats, Bill Clinton is overshadowing everyone in the race as he merrily works to knock Osama out of the race, Osama has been demonstrating that Hillary can get to him, Hillary is fighting back like a barracuda, Edwards has to jump up and down to get any attention, and we are all beginning to think the curse of the Ivy League may continue.

So what is the curse of the Ivy League? Well, just think of it this way. For the past 20 years every president of the USA attended Yale University. If Hillary gets elected that will mean at least 24 and maybe 28 straight years of presidents from Yale University. After what we have already seen can the country possibly handle such a fate? Maybe it is time we give some other school a chance. On a personal note, way back when I turned down going to Yale and went to the University of Arizona instead. Had I gone to Yale I would have been a classmate with George, Jr., Bill and Hillary.

THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER

The Dog Days of Summer are here for sure, and I don't mean the days when the Dog Star follows the Sun across the sky in July and August as I'm sure you all know. We have had heat, plenty of it, and it has been bone dry, yet another cute phrase. About the only bones I know are bone dry are when you're dead. Still it fits the miserable weather and drought we've had, but I'm not talking about that either. No, I'm talking about the invasion of new dogs into little old Coltons Point and the bizzare impact it has had on the village.

Now that several rentals and a couple of sales have been completed and every dwelling in the Point seems to be occupied, by my reckoning we have had an increase of about 15 dogs this summer ranging from Pit Bulls to Great Danes, rag muffins to shepards. Imagine that, 15 new dogs in a couple of months when we average about 1-2 per year. You don't move 15 dogs into a little fishing village without some real pains since in many cases the dog owners were entirely clueless about life in this seaside paradise.

Now some of them came from the big city where certain things are expected like the immediate availability of police and dog catchers I guess and it was a rude awakening to them when they discovered our first responders might show up any time in the next few days. Short of someone in the final throes of death there are not many reasons for anyone to hurry to the Point when everywhere else has much worse problems. At least that's how it was until the new people showed up and turned the village upside down.

Here at the Point people are friends. If we have problems we settle it among ourselves. There is simply no need to bother outside authorities with the small problems of the Point. And then ex-GI Joe showed up. Now he expected an immediate response to everything from everyone. One day he gets a dog, a slightly aggressive dog no less, and the next day he has the dog catcher on speed dial with a continuous flow of reports of vicious dogs at the Point who attack dogs and people. In a matter of a couple of weeks he made more reports of vicious dogs in the Point than the Animal Control had received the previous 10 years. Now that is how you want to introduce yourself to your new neighbors.

Thanks to the very strange perception of ex-GI Joe dogs that have never been reported for aggressive behaviour suddenly became raging menaces and when he reported the Grand Dame of the Point, the property of all Pointers, our beloved Golden Retreiver Holly to the authorities, well that was the ultimate insult to Pointers with a conscious. I mean Holly, the orphan of the Point, who has survived and been cared for by people from one end of the Point to the other is about the friendliest dog in the world. She has kept our seniors company over the years, been the only security in the Point as she guards the community against intruders throughout the night, and escorts people on their walks. You might see her swimming in the river, hopelessly chasing a rabbit, or hiding behind a hedge at night. You will never see her hurting another dog or person. At over 12 years old and with sometimes severe arthritis, what the hell kind of threat could she be to anyone. Yet ex-GI Joe is fearful for his life because of her.

Of course that wasn't even the worst of it. Wild Willie's two and a half dogs suddenly became a vicious pack of killers on the hunt. Before the influx of new people about the worst said of the Wild Willie gang was that they barked too much. Now they were transformed into a deadly pride of lions on the prowl. All Animal Control had to do was take a look at that gang to know their bark was much worse than their bite. The streets of the Point were about to become killing fields if you were to believe the Animal Control and Police reports. Neighbors were taking sides. People were being intimidated and afraid to talk. Somehow the stupid dog issue was growing into a daytime soap opera.

When the dust finally settled, when the tickets were paid and the court appearances finished, when Animal Control finally got to take care of the rest of the county and the sheriff's office got back to chasing real threats to society, the Point was no longer the same. Dogs whose greatest pleasure was in giving pleasure through companionship to people, often lonely people, were no longer free to make their rounds. Dogs who took a personal responsibility for the safety and security of neighbors by checking on them and their houses every night were no longer free to provide such help. Dogs who enjoyed the freedom of wandering the Point and entertaining the adults and children, along with the visitors, could entertain no more.

The neighborhood dogs who were out at night and could prevent skunks, foxes, racoons and deer from over-running the neighborhood, not to mention bringing rabies into the village, were no longer free to protect the neighborhood from the creatures of the woods and swamps. My how the march of civilization helps us mature. When you really think about it, the biggest flaw with animal laws was the wrong creatures were on the leash. Animals can work things out. It is the humans that screw up the world for everyone else.

Haughty Helen and Little Jon's Coming Out Party

Haughty Helen gave the social event of the sweltering summer season at Coltons Point when she hosted the Little Jon Coming Out Party at her seaside villa. Little Jon, as you may or may not recall, is quite smitten with Helen whose genealogy makes her a direct descendant of the English outcasts who first introduced the local natives some 400 years ago to the white man and the Catholic Church, either of which spelled certain doom to the Native Americans.

Over 850 people showed up for the party along with about 10 jazz bands and several concession trucks. While family pressure caused Haughty to supply some food, in as much as proper etiquette required something to be set out for the insects, the concession trucks handled most of the traffic.

Rumor has it the party was Haughty's biggest since her own debutante ball back in the days of the governor's mansion and certainly it was the wildest party at the Point since the destruction of the Blackistone Hotel by the Kopels, a hotel which they acquired from Helen's descendants.

While they tried to blame the destruction on a turn of the last century hurricane, a lot of revealing records of the strange activity taking place at Kopel's seaside resort vanished in the chaos. Ironically the old hotel was just down the beach from Helen's villa. Ink Spot and her hubby, who used to be known as President Bob but has since relinquished his presidency to Sheila and is now known as Captain Bob what with the marina, his charge over the Clements Island fleet, and having his own swimming pool, claim they are prepared to begin revealing the secrets of the old hotel sometime soon.

Back at the coming out party, about 800 of the 850 guests were unknown to most of the Pointers but when you have a family with nearly 400 years of local history you are bound to know a few people. Speaking of family, the Haughty Helen family was out in force to make certain their sister did the family tree proud. They even brought back John Michael from the family compound in northern Wisconsin where he is in charge of the survival outpost. The new family patriarch and golf champion Phil brought his entourage on the family yacht which was just too big to dock at Helen's pier so people had to be shuttled back and forth to shore. Brother Phil was surrounded by well wishers and patrons and he even had a couple of priests in tow in the unlikely event the food was not as good as expected.

Of all the people present, Little Jon seemed to be hardest to find as he could only be caught at a glimpse scurrying around fussing over food, drinks, dogs and his sister all the while trying to avoid being the center of attention. A great time was had by all, especially those found still on the premises the next morning passed out on chairs, docks and boats. Haughty Helen insisted they were not invited guests. Watch for her next social adventure sometime around the year 2017 and hope you are on the invite short list again.

Why I Stopped Writing Articles

Top ten reasons I stopped writing articles for a time...

10. Everything in Coltons Point started to seem normal.
9. I heard a rumor the End Times was about to happen.
8. I couldn't decide if Bush or the Democrats were responsible for the mess.
7. I was waiting for the stock market to top off.
6. I was trying to decide who makes all the oil profits.
5. I couldn't figure out why I'm paying for garbage pick up I don't get.
4. I was waiting for it to rain.
3. I was waiting for Bailey's million dollar lighthouse to topple again.
2. I was trying to sail to Clements Island and back with Stevie Van Zany.
1. I was waiting for Haughty Helen to have her coming out party for Little Jon.

Here's what you missed in local, state, national, world and universal affairs. I guess nothing. We have a weak economy so the stock market goes up. People stop driving and the gas prices go up. Now food and just about everything are coming from China. (How does one make food in China?) Prescription drugs are failing every day. Osama Bin Laden seems to be doing well in caves.

Weather news - it sucks.

Sports news - NASCAR drivers are fist fighting. Football stars run dog fights. Baseball umpires bet on their own games. Steroids will break Hank Aaron's home run record. Lacrosse players won't be inviting hookers to parties. And the most expensive soccer player in history is now in the good old USA and still no one will watch the game. (What did the English know that we didn't?)

Coltons Point news, on the other hand, is alive and well so stay tuned for more features as the things that happen to the Pointers cannot be summarized.

The Black Hole of Calcutta

Sailing with Stevie Van Zany in the Black Hole

Anyone ever wonder where the black hole of Calcutta goes? I checked it out on a globe and I think it goes from India right to Coltons Point, straight through the core of the Earth, which would certainly help explain some of the strange events that take place here in Pointerville.

So just what do people throw into a black hole anyway? If the hole started here it would probably be crab skeletons, oyster shells, credit cards and a bunch of other stuff of absolutely no consequence yet certain to raise eyebrows when it shows up in India.

Here in Coltons Point at the bottom of the black hole of Calcutta we don't get anything too interesting either, as least not in the form of stuff. But I think we do get a mystical mystery from India far more significant than you might think.

Very strange things take place here in the Point as I've reported in earlier articles from the landing of aliens to the ghost of John Wilkes Booth, and I've experienced a few of them myself. Things you might expect in the Bermuda Triangle seem to happen here that defy traditional explanation.

Here is a recent example. For some time crazy Stevie Van Zany has been asking me to sail out to Clements Island with him. I was holding out for riding in his power boat but he insisted, since he "did" grow up on the shore and being a waterman was a natural thing.

Finally he wore me down and I agreed except when I arrived at his house for the launch I noticed it seemed perfectly still outside, not a good omen for a sailing adventure. I mentioned it to Van Zany but he insisted the wind always blew on the river, even if it was still on the shore. That sounded like a line from a real estate agent selling shore fronts but what the hell.

Well the sail boat was not at all what I expected for cruising the mighty Potamac. Hell, we would have been overmatched fighting the current from the garden hose so I was glad there was little wind. We pushed the little bathtub to the water and I got in and the little matchbox nearly flipped over backwards, thankfully hitting bottom before going too far. I asked Stevie how many people could sail in it and he said 3. Now the only way that could happen was if they were the cast of munchkins from the Wizard of Oz.

I make no claims to being a waterman, fisherman, or even a good swimmer but even I noticed a few odd things about this craft. First, there was a long broom handle sticking out of the rudder handle about 6 feet. Thus there were two ways to get knocked in the side of the head in this little death trap, by the sail or the rudder. There was a motor mount but the motor was missing. So were the oars and that was my first clue Stevie was kidding about all the sailing experience or suffering from early alzheimers. He acknowledged he would run and get them as he seemed to have forgot.

Meanwhile I was left in the back of the boat, the front was clearly out of the water, while the back rested firmly in the sand under the water. He returned, we shoved off, and started paddling for the end of the pier as he now revised his wind story and said it would pick up at the end of the pier. He said it would be a 8-10 minute sail to the island and we would check out the new lighthouse and return within the hour. It was nice out so I figured okay.

Something ruffled the sail when we hit the end of the pier and slowly we started making our journey toward the island about a mile away. Progress was quite slow so we fetched a couple of beers from the cooler and I noticed about a case of beer stashed away. "Planning to be gone long?" I asked. He said it was for an emergency.

About an hour later we actually made it to the island, though no where near the shore, when he started these intricate tacking actions to swing us somewhere out around the island. After an hour of sailing I noted to Stevie we were passing the same crab trap marker over and over again and the stationary trap seemed to be pulling ahead of us. Not only that, we never seemed to get to the far side of the huge cross on the island and now the wind was gone.

In the first sign of weakness from Captain Stevie he said we should slow down the beer consumption as we might need it for breakfast if things didn't shape up. Of course it was only mid-afternoon at the time and we were just 2 1/2 hours into our ten minute trip by then. In the distance I saw a Bailey boat dropping supplies at the lighthouse and then heading back toward shore and he would pass within about 300 yards of us. I asked Van Zany if he had something red to wave so we could get a tow but he said no way. The code of the sea required a captain to never admit failure, even if it meant going down with his boat. Slowly the Bailey boat disappeared in the distance.

We were trapped in a circular current and could not get to the island, nor back to shore. We would probably keep drifting in small circles until we died in the shadow of the cross, all because of some stupid code of the sea. He took the oars and an hour later we made it back to the crab marker which was ahead of us when we started. Swimming was starting to sound like our only hope except earlier that week a bunch of kids tried to swim to the island and wound up ten miles away on Crabb Island.

By the start of the 4th hour we almost made it to the shore side of the island, having spent nearly 2 hours stuck on one side of a 40 acre land mass. Miraculously we finally got a breeze when we cleared the island and started tacking back for the pier just 1 mile away. But even the forces of nature were not about to let us off that easy. The slight sustained wind dropped to an occasional whisper not quite enough to fill the sail so now we were in a race to see if the whimpy wind was stronger than the natural current, again we were victims of the tides.

Our tacking became tacky and we found ourselves headed with the tides toward the museum pier, not Van Zany's pier. As we helplessly drifted toward the wrong pier we noticed a gathering of fishermen on the pier pointing at us, as if they knew we were at the mercy of nature. I told Stevie we should just land there and drag the damn boat the half mile down the river shore to his pier but the captain was adamant that no one, mind you no one, should know we were not in complete control of that tiny ship.

"Let's just wave at them as we sail past," he said. I pointed out that the way the tides were going we might just crash into the middle of them but Van Zany said we would row if necessary to protect the integrity of the rivermen. I was about to shout to them to throw me a beer from their cooler but they were laughing so loud they might not have heard when suddenly a tiny breeze pushed us safely past the potentially devestating embarrassment of bouncing the sail boat off the museum pier in front of a crowd of entertained fishermen.

This time we were able to maintain our course and reached land 4 hours and 38 minutes into our ten minute sail to the island and ten minute return. Zany was so happy he jumped out before we hit shore promptly sending the front end flying up in the air and causing the back of the boat, where my butt was parked, to drop into the cold river this time.

Just another typical outing at Coltons Point but it was just the first of three attempts Van Zany, this fearless old salt, was to undertake in his futile effort to reach the island just beyond his pier. Stay tuned for more details.

Whose Space is MySpace?

For those of you who don't know this, and quite a few of you don't, I write songs, as in words and music, and I have a band in Nashville, called Nashville Bound. We have a band site on MySpace, the giant of all virtual cyber dumps for mindless minds, and there are a ton of them. Imagine this, there are over 190 million, yes I said million, web pages on MySpace making it the largest international community in cyber space.

When they iron out the wrinkles, when the corruption matures and can go unnoticed, when the latte sipping whiz kids have squeezed every last ounce of data from you and know all your personal habits, then MySpace might finally get their act together and put the record companies, radio stations and resident crooks out of business.

Anyway, I have a band site on MySpace and my band is listed under Swing, Western Swing and Country on MySpace charts. Now that is not particularly big news but what happened on MySpace to the music might be. For the past month Nashville Bound has been one of the top 3 bands in the world in Swing, and in the top 6 in Western Swing in terms of the number of plays of songs per day.

There are over 3 million bands on MySpace from every country in the world so that is a pretty good position to be in. Only one problem, MySpace is ignoring their own daily numbers and refuse to place the band where it belongs on the charts. Today the band finished #3 but MySpace music editors placed it #36. In the past month the Nashville Bound music has been ranked everywhere from #28 to #94 and even off the charts one day while never finishing worse than #5 in daily plays.

So I wrote an email to MySpace asking why the band is not ranked in the top 5 every day. I got no response. Three days later I wrote again, still no response. After five emails in 2 weeks I finally got a response but the answer had nothing to do with my questions and concerns. There are no humans working at MySpace. Ever since Murdock and his News Corp bought MySpace people seem to be vanishing. Now I've got 5 responses about 3 different subjects none remotely related to my questions.

Wacky Weather Report

Man I sure hope the weather reports on TV get bumped by more commercials so we don't have to experience the pain of holding out hope they may be right some day. I think the weather people have the same philosophy about weather as the Jehovahs Witnesses used to have about the End Times. They figured if you kept predicting the date of the end of the world eventually you would get it right.

The weather people must use a more scientific method for their forecast like darts, a crystal ball or some kind of metaphysical connection to higher powers. So the first two weeks of April are the 2nd coldest in DC history, the coldest in Baltimore history. It was so cold that the first two weeks of last January were warmer.

Where is global warming when you need it? My plants, shrubs and trees are so confused they may bloom next winter instead of summer. I heard a rumor that the National Weather Service no longer supplies forecasts and world weather to the TV and other media, they have to do it on their own. No wonder the weather world is turned upside down.

Of course the reason the National Weather Service reports are not given to the media is because there are weather anomalies taking place that indicate we are heading for a natural catastrophe of Biblical proportions. The feds have it all wrong. If you want to spread misinformation quickly then you should give it to the media, they are masters at misinformation.

Oprah the Queen of the Money Machine

The darling of the media has once again proven why she is the richest woman on the airways as her recent show on the Virginia Tech nightmare was a nightmare itself. It seems nearly every interview was cut short because of the need of the program to cram advertisements into every nook and cranny of the one hour program. During the time I watched the show there was a commercial break nearly every two minutes with the advertising time far in excess of the program content.

Somehow it just doesn't seem right that shows like this, the national TV networks and the companies desperate to reach the maximum number of viewers with their call to buy something you probably don't need, can take advantage of situations. Yet they can all count on a mindless pubic to have their globes glued to the bloob tube not having a clue that the message being fed them is not news but sheer, crass, commercialization.

I say watch PBS, at least your mind will not be filled with the latest offering from the drug companies and others. Did you notice the increase in ads for "depression" drugs?

The Glorification of Seung Chow Mein

I've had it with the media bending over backwards to cover the killer when the victims deserve the attention in the Virginia Tech incident. What is wrong with these people? If I see that psycho pointing a gun at me again on TV I might just shoot the TV.

I know the media are hungry for continuous repetitious coverage of the campus tragedy. If you pay close attention you will note that many more advertisements are running right now as the capitalists attempt to reach bigger audiences with their TV commercials. Mass murders sell in our sick society and the more coverage by the networks of the tragedy the more advertising dollars in the network bank account.

Is it possible they don't understand that by glorifying the killer with extensive coverage they only give a roadmap for every other psycho walking the nation on how to get maximum media exposure and fame? They also have set a new goal for the next nutcase by playing up the fact this is the worst mass murder in our nation's history.

Seung Chow Mein sent a package to NBC TV between murder sites and NBC exploited that sick self-serving package of evil by starting an avalanche of pubicity just like the killer wanted when they released most of the contents.

We glorify the killers, forget the victims. We empower the potential killers and denegrade the families of victims. We get higher Nielsen ratings and spread fear across the nation. Now some greedy journalist will write a book about it, a greedy network will make a movie, and then we wait for the copycat killings to begin. Is this what we get for having a free press in America? Nothing free about those that capitalize on tragedy. It is all about big money.

Weekly Update

What a week! First my computer gets wiped out by a virus, clearly from a disgruntled reader. Then we have the Imus fiasco, the tragedy at Virginia Tech, the report that cell phones are destroying the bee population, and now the governor from my old home, New Jersey, gets critically injured in a car wreck.

Imus - the mouth that couldn't stop! Well this was not hard to call. Imus has been spouting his shock jock language since radio first began and other than an occasional wrist slapping nothing ever happened. Suddenly he takes on the Rutgers womens basketball team and all hell breaks loose.

If Imus is to be driven off the airways, and he was, then I think the sponsors of his BS and the networks behind his BS should be as well. He generated over $8 million a year for CBS radio and NBC TV. They encouraged him to be offensive, radical and sarcastic. Yet the minute the Jackson-Sharpton national censures opened their mouths freedom of speech, broadcaster and sponsor responsibility and every other consideration in a land of the free went out the window.

I think the networks should have their licenses to broadcast investigated by the FCC to see if there is documented evidence they encouraged his senseless rantings and the documents do exist. Then the sponsors should be investigated to see how they got off the hook on being responsible for also encouraging him.

At the same time the rap and hip hop music flooding the radio airways, the music the Jackson-Sharpton censures claim they have worked to stop, should be declared politically incorrect, a hate crime, pornographic, encouraging unlawful behavior and bigoted beyond belief and the music thrown off the air and the writers and artists publicly persecuted for doing a better job than Imus at undermining the Constitution of the United States, except the part of the Constitution about the right to bear arms which the rappers desperately need for meetings and public executions.

As for Jackson and Sharpton, tell them to slay the rappers like they slayed Imus or shut up! Now the Rutgers coach and team were the only classy, sensible people involved in this entire comedy. And by the way, tell Hillary and the other candidates to stop taking all the money from the rappers and hip hoppers if they want to demonstrate any integrity in the election.

Virginia Tech - a test of faith! This hit awful close to home with so many area residents involved as victims, the shooter and friends. Nothing much can be said the networks haven't said over and over again except the killer was clearly nuts and the schools should have a way to detect the potential danger in such people. Ever since we radically liberalized the mental health laws and released patients from institutions there has been a steady increase in mass murders and maybe we should go back and see if we didn't deinstitutionalize the wrong people.

The students proved they could function in spite of the short falls of the leaders with the delays, strange police actions, and lack of an APB for the shooter in the morning. The internet and technology proved to be valuable in this case and the kids are demonstrating a resilience the adults should not underestimate.

The Cell Phone Bee Killer Report! Yet another tidbit of data has leaked out that the explosion of cellphones may not be doing all that much good for humanity. I have a study from England several years ago that says too many cell towers will produce radiation harmful to the human brain. Since our experts ignored this study and every street corner now has a cell tower, I just figured we were too stupid or content to open our eyes. Now we find out the radiation from cell phones is destroying the honey bee population and a lot of us are probably happy, no more stings.

Fools. Honey bees don't sting, they are not agressive unless they are the African honey bee which wasn't supposed to be here in the first place. Certainly the European bees in this area aren't agressive. On the other hand, much of our fruit and vegetable crops depend on the honey bee to pollinate or whatever them so they can produce food to stuff in our faces. You may turn off your cell phones when the price of an orange hits $5.00 each or there isn't enough fruit and vegetables for all the diets we are obsessed with today.

NJ Governor Demonstrates Auto Safety! Okay, this is really odd. The Governor of the state with the highest rate of seat belt use in the nation (91% of all New Jersey drivers wear seat belts) almost gets killed in his Governor's limo doing 92 miles per hour, yes I said 92 miles per hour in a 65 MPH zone, and he is not wearing a seat belt. He is protected 24 hours a day by State Police and the driver of the limo was a State Polieman. The driver was wearing a seat belt, an assistant to the Governor in the back was not.

At 92 miles per hour don't you think the Policeman in front might have mentioned to the Governor to put on his seat belt. Why was the Governor's limo doing 92 in a 65 zone? His chief of staff says he should be fined $46 for not wearing the seat belt. What about the fine for excessive speeding? Is this a case of politicians believing they are above the law we normal six pack majority people are expected to follow? I wonder if the insurance was expired too?

In closing, with the strange and tragic things going on in our immediate world, maybe the End Times are here.

POINTERS POINT TO MORRIS POINT

Made it to the Morris Point Restaurant as promised Saturday night and we just beat the crowd that came roaring in after the Saturday night Bingo, or the Fire Barn Auction, or the cockeyed crab races or whatever drew them to the Point.

Now this place can give you lots of culture, conversation and cuisine. Halfway between the parking lot and the restaurant you get the first shot of culture when you pass that naked statue, well maybe there was a fig leaf or two.

When you get to the front door there is a temporary construction sign directing you around the back way. A clever idea saying the place is under construction as you are then made to walk around the building and across the dock and patio situated right on the river, or creek, or whatever gets this mass of water to the ocean

It is a rather spectacular view and might have been even better if it didn’t get so cold and windy that night. Summer nights would be great I’m sure. But it was nice and cozy inside, might have had something to do with Haughty Helen and her hot date, the mystery boyfriend in the cowboy boots, who were waiting inside. Now that the mystery of his identity has been revealed I’m pretty sure it was him in those boots.

Once inside Debbie, the field marshal of the restaurant battlefield, nodded in the direction of a big table with Haughty Helen and Little Jon Wayne and we made our way over. At this point I became torn, my interest ranging between the operation of the restaurant and the conversations between Haughty, Broadway Linda, Stevie Van Zany and Little Jon Wayne.

Quaint place that Morris Point Inn, with turn of some century woodwork, a menu of the same vintage, proprietors right out of central casting and a chummy bunch of patrons. You want privacy stay away. This is a place you go to for good company, a few laughs, and food better than momma can make if you’re honest and providing she’s a good cook which mine wasn’t but most Pointer mothers seem to be.

The food was certainly good enough to have been served from some New York or Paris bistro or upscale café though the ambience was grounded in the plastic cups, the silverware provided only as needed - not expected, and the paper table cloths which seem most appropriate for the Coltons Pointers. If you gave them a bib to eat with it simply would not be enough. Come to think of it, giving them a full set of silverware could upset their dinner with too many choices to eat with.

The dominate personalities at the restaurant are Debbie, her husband Chris and their son Rambo. Chris was focused on the cooking to the point I overheard him talking to the food. Clearly he was on his best behavior. Imagine Steven Wright crossed with Lenny Bruce and you have Chris. Stone silent one minute, full of passion the next. For those who don’t remember him, look up Lenny Bruce. Chris would be the culmination of a DNA merger of these two.

Debbie, well she is the Shirley MacClaine of the Point serving the regular patrons their drinks before they get a chance to order, engaging in small talk with each and every one, hovering over tables like a Bald Eagle waiting to pounce on the first sign of trouble. Debbie seems to live the life Shirley described in her book “Out on a Limb”, or was that “Out on a Broken Limb?”

Finally you have the son Rambo, well maybe the Rambo part if it was played by John Belushi. Now Rambo was on such good behavior all night he must have had his medication increased significantly since my last visit. Like his father, he was also invisible in the kitchen. A couple of other kids seemed to be shuffling stuff around and I have no clue whether they were family or patrons trying to help out.

The bottom line is this, don’t go to the Morris Point Restaurant just because it is the only place close to the point that serves food, go because it is five star food served at the Point. Everything is home made and these people clearly knew how to cook before they got the restaurant. You don’t even need a car to get there, just take your boat up the creek. Enjoy the people, absorb the quiet environment, savor the delicacies and then head home to your sorry existence.

Now, for a look at the family that runs Morris Point the first two pictures are Chris in a passionate mood and quiet mood, then Debbie being Debbie at the door to the Point, and finally their son Rambo.

Now Generation Anthem

Ain’t it great to be a kid in America
Ain’t it great we no longer have to read
We don’t have to think we can have another drink
Cause Microsoft is getting us the grades we need

It’s great to be a kid in America
Think of all we’ll accumulate
No one cares how much we steal, just bring home what is real
Keep it coming cause I just can’t wait, don’t be late

Ain’t it great to be a kid in America
If times are tough we’ll start another war
Our parents showed us how, we can go to war right now
No one cares if our deficit might soar and soar

But the kids growing up in America
Might be in for a big surprise
When the budgets must be slashed, when there ain’t no gas
When the waters everywhere are on the rise up to your eyes

When the kids growing up in America
Find social security is now broke
What’s a man to do when the money that you knew
Has disappeared and all gone up in smoke, you dope

Gas and the Global Warming

Am I the only one to find it odd that over 55 different dog food products for dozens of different companies were all made by the same processing plant at the same location. Everything from Iams to Wayne’s which I think is the Walmart brand name shared the same building, same people making it, and same meat or whatever that stuff is, same filler, and the same rat poison according to the feds.

Isn’t it about time the American consumer stop being the target of corporate scams like this making us think there was competition in dog food, a difference in the quality of the products, and that special handling could keep out the rat poison.

So a few thousand dogs and cats will die, Congress will hold hearings, the Democrats will blame Bush and big business, and the public will see nothing done about it. Ah the joys of watching capitalism at it’s finest.

So we’ve had a rash of outbreaks of mysterious diseases on cruise ships, in schools and hotels, and now in dogs and cats. We are now being told not to eat all the things we were told to eat before. More people die of malpractice in hospitals than from diseases and surgery.

Vaccines that once destroyed the threat of smallpox, polio, malaria and other diseases don’t work anymore against new strains of the same diseases that were supposed to be wiped out.

And good old Al Gore is running around Hollywood collecting Oscars and at our nation’s capitol trying to stage rock concerts all because of global warming. Well if man is responsible for global warming, then who the hell caused the global warming that ended the last Ice Age, or the ones before that?

Personally I think there is a direct correlation between the amount of beer, beans, onions, garlic and peppers consumed, the amount of high pressure gas they generate, the velocity of the gas emissions from people, and the impact on the atmosphere. Think about it, nearly 6 billion people passing gas at the same time. A few million cars and trucks don’t have a chance.

Add to that all the hot air generated in our nation’s capitol and every other capitol of the world and states where more than two politicians gather at once, and it is amazing we aren’t in the midst of a global meltdown. My only comment on the whole confusing mess is this, put a cork in it!

Bloob Tube Battles

I’ve had trouble watching the television lately. Can’t find the programs in all the commercials. Suppose it doesn’t matter since the TV fare was never meant to entertain, inform or educate, just to employ the many relatives of the network show business people.

The network evening news is in a whale of trouble now. Katie Couric has settled back into last place for CBS. It’s hard to take her too serious after all those years of sucking up to the people she interviewed on the Today Show.

The number crunchers for the networks have discovered an interesting fact. It seems that the quality of the local news just before the network news has a great impact on the network news viewers. Dah…

So old, ugly people put out to pasture on the evening news broadcasts are now costing Charles Gibson at ABC, Brian Williams at NBC and Katie Couric at CBS millions of viewers and more millions of ad revenues.

Look for a major overhaul of the local news programs leading into the network news. Every station has used the news for a pre-retirement assignment. They are experimenting with everyone for the time slot.

My personal favorite news announcer is Alison Starling who does the morning news. Her numbers and performance are great so the ABC owned station in DC has tried her at the 5 pm and 6 pm news shows.

Of course the station was too cheap to assign someone to her morning and noon shows so poor Alison was doing the 5 am, noon, and 5 pm news, sometimes the 6 pm news, and doing real reporter stories in between. Whoever thought up that schedule wanted to kill her or must have been a relative of one of the old anchors who might be replaced.

When she did the 6 pm news with three old guys she looked like a cheerleader at a geriatric ward. Before the DC station and network overseers give her the 6 pm news like they should some other network will steal her. Maybe this drag on the ratings by the local evening news anchors is why they call them anchors in the first place.

Morris Point Restaurant Beware...

The Morris Point Restaurant will be the scene probably March 31 for the next cuisine review by the Coltons Point Times. Accessible by land or water, which is not a bad way to be for the folks of the Point, this quaint place with it’s quirky owners, Chris, chef de cuisine of the seafood joint and wife Dainty Deb, will be put to the test. Of course it is the only restaurant within about ten miles of the Point besides the Potomac Gardens Arrow Beer bar with the bowls of beer nuts served for every meal, and most people find beer nuts to not be a very balanced meal. One thing I do know, you can always get the drink you want because you have to bring your own. So we will see you all on the 31st at the Morris Point eatery and give you our verdict shortly after the experience. Let's hope there is not another episode like our last visit when things got a little out of hand.

St. Patrick's Day Aftermath

It was generally a quiet day for St. Pats here in the Point with the exceptions of a couple of near disturbances in the north end. At Marie Antoinette's place there was a jam session with Stevie Van Zany leading the charge and an effort was made to play a rendition of Danny Boy in honor of the Irish. Sorry to say no one knew the words and the song was a very short but energetic performance. Up the road at the home of Sweet Sue and Colorado Chris another of their monthly family reunions took place, strange green stuff in glasses circulated freely, and no one cared what they sang.

But down at the Potomac Gardens and Arrow Beer Bar Quiet George actually refused to serve an Irish Cowboy at the bar and caused the biggest stir of all for the holiday as no one knows when George ever turned down a patron before. This time there may have been good reason. Does anyone know the name of the Celtic Cowboy trying to get served at the Arrow Beer Bar, and no it was not Haughty Helen's mysterious boyfriend?

Quiet George Gets Gator!

Quiet George, the outspoken owner of the Potomac Gardens Arrow Beer Bar can often be seen driving the long distance from his house to the Bar across the street in a vintage golf cart probably first used in the 1947 Masters Tournament. At other times he can be seen chugging around the Point in said vintage golf cart sputtering and wheezing as it cruises the Point.

But no longer. Seems Quiet George had an epiphany and decided it was time to admit the old cart had died long ago, and it was only surviving because of life support. So he pulled the plug and got himself a brand new shiny green and yellow Gator, the hottest off the road hot rod built for on the road drivers like Quiet George. At least Duke Deere says something like that about the John Deere Gator.

We caught Quiet George bringing his new gator home and thought we would share it with you. By the way, if you hear him coming be sure and get out of the way.

Hillbilly Joe and the Incredible Labyrinth

We have not had too much to tell you about Hillbilly Joe and his adventures because, quite frankly, we were worried about the effect it might have on your mental stability. Now I figure if you all take the time to follow the news media today, which most of you do, then your mental state must already be pretty fragile and Hillbilly stories might only make you worse, thus raising the average income of the Coltons shrinks.

But now I don’t really care because they, the shrinks, are entitled to their income and what makes me the overseer of the mental state of the Pointers? People will find their own path to insanity and why miss good stories like those of the legendary Hillbilly Joe.

His latest misguided nightmare, which comes to him every time he adjusts the face mask he wears to sleep to regulate the oxygen supply to his brain, as if the oxygen flow to his brain really had anything to do with his thought process, is a tale of tragedy no one should miss.

Hillbilly made one of his infrequent ventures out of the safety of the Coltons swampland with a group of friends to attend a reunion, the kind of social occasion in reality he would avoid like the plague. It must have been some kind of reunion because it was in a hotel that was over 100 stories tall.

Hillbilly checked in and the concierge, the fact they even had a concierge shows you what kind of hotel this was, sent a bell hop to show Hillbilly his room. Like a good country boy Hillbilly left his bags in the lobby so as not to burden the bellhop and to avoid having to spend extra money tipping the guy just for carrying bags.

The room was on the 1st floor although the bellboy took him on the elevator to get there. That should have been the first sign of trouble to old unsuspecting Hillbilly but he didn’t find it odd figuring the bellhop was just taking the long way to get a bigger tip. Once he got there he graciously tipped the guy twenty-five cents and returned with him to the lobby to get his bags.

Armed with two giant suitcases packed by his mother so he would be prepared for anything and any weather, although he was only there for two nights, Hillbilly ambled over to the elevator and punched the button. Inside he punched the button for the 1st floor and the elevator took off for what seemed like eternity to get him where he started, the first floor.

When the door opened all Hillbilly could see were endless corridors and stepping out of the elevator, which promptly slammed the door shut and took off, Hillbilly noticed for the first time there were no room numbers on the doors. Now how in the world was he going to find his room?

At this point he had a key to a room and no clue where the room might be so down the hall he went trying door after door until he came to the 17th door which promptly opened. In the somewhat exhausted Hillbilly went only to discover someone had already moved all their stuff into the room and it couldn’t be his.

Back in the hallway he concluded he was clearly on the wrong floor and set out in search of a stairway as there didn’t seem to be anymore elevator doors around. Finding a sign for the stairs he slammed through the door with the two giant bags in tow and before him the stairs seemed to go straight, not up or down like he expected.

Suffice it to say the day was quite confusing for Hillbilly as he trudged along the flat stairs to the next floor, checked the numberless doors, and came back to the stairs. Several hours later he found a window in the lobby, looked out, and realized he was halfway up the 100 story hotel in search of his room on the first floor.

Well this sad saga goes on and on and he proceeded to meet two women in the stairway also lost. The three stayed together for hours sharing some of the snacks packed in his giant bags before parting company. It was 48 hours later, yes two days, when poor Hillbilly sat down on his bags in utter dismay and all of a sudden through the stairway door popped three of his buddies from the reunion.

They wanted to know where he had been for the past two days; he missed all the parties and beer. Then they led him out the door to his room, the first door they reached. Exhausted but thankful Hillbilly went in only to find the strangest sight.

When he made reservations he ordered a room with a king size bed. The bed he faced was kind of king size as the top mattress was a king, but the box springs under it were full size, thus leaving the king size mattress draping over the box springs to the floor. Some joke he thought.

Jerking the king mattress off he threw it on the floor, promptly dropped to the mattress, and tried to put the entire nightmare behind him by going to sleep without his sleep machine. He awoke to an earthquake, the floor and walls shaking, before he realized it was just his mom pounding at the trailer door wanting to know if he was ready for breakfast. Hillbilly Joe is not so sure about the sleep machine and face mask anymore. And he sure isn’t accepting any invitations to reunions.

He’s Back…

I took a hiatus to see if anyone noticed I wasn’t posting articles. No one did. So I decided to wait until there was something in the news worth writing about. There wasn’t and still isn’t. So I guess I have to manufacture something news worthy and that’s okay, it can’t be any worse than the stories in the real news.

Today the Maryland legislature voted to apologize for slavery. What nonsense. Other states did the same earlier making the nonsense all the worse. Why in the world are the states apologizing for something that ended 142 years ago? Who are the elected officials who are worried more about 142 year old stuff than the problems of today?

What about the economic uncertainty facing the voters? Ethics? Campaign reform? Crooked credit card companies? Crooked predators working to collect money for the crooked credit card companies? Lousy building contractors? Contaminated food in the stores over and over again? What in the world is in the water in Annapolis to scramble their brains like this?

Maybe we should apologize to the Native American Indians we enslaved, put in prisons and called them reservations, stole their children and forced them into Christianity, and killed off about 100 million thanks to our liquor, guns and disease.

Then we can apologize to the Mexicans, the ones we now refer to as illegals, for stealing their country and homes which used to include all the western USA. Of course there are the Irish and Chinese we placed into the equivalent of forced labor to build the railroads crossing America.

Speaking of apologies, aren’t we owed a few as well? I think the English should apologize for driving us out of England for religious purposes, then stealing our free country back and fighting us in several wars trying to claim ownership to the USA.

The oil companies should apologize for stealing our money. Drug companies should apologize for making us an addicted nation on a collective national trip, to paraphrase former Maryland Governor Spiro Agnew.

Whites should apologize for the KKK, Blacks for the Symbonese Liberation Army. Voters should apologize for the idiots we put in office and politicians should apologize for what they do to us when they get there.

Schools can apologize for all the illiterate high school graduates. George and Barbara Bush can apologize for George, Jr. Yale University can apologize for giving us Bush and Clinton. Matter of fact, when George Jr. is finished next year the USA will have had a Yale educated president for 20 straight years, and Hillary Clinton, yet another Yale graduate, stands in the wings.

So get over it America! We are not a nation of wimps. We did not control the sins of our fathers, their fathers, and their father’s fathers. Get on to dealing with the sins of today and tomorrow, the ones hurting people right here and right now.

World News Recap

The Democrats have now been in control of congress for the first quarter of the year and how are they doing with their laundry list of immediate promises?

The stock market has collapsed, regrouped, and collapsed again.
The trade deficit set another record.
No news on immigration reform.
No news on campaign reform.
Oil prices are skyrocketing again for no reason.
Congress still refuses to investigate the interlocking ownership in oil.
Housing foreclosures are setting new records.
About half of congress is running for president.
The war in Iraq continues as if congress doesn’t even exist.

Hey, things remain pretty much the same and that’s all I have to say about that.

Admiral Gibby’s Seige…

Seems his long battle with the Giant Ground Hog might be at an end. The Admiral, as many of you know, lives at the first line of defense against the forces of nature that wander our way from the swamps and creeks surrounding the Point. Old Gibby is the first to encounter the dangerous varmints making their way in from the lowlands and one day a Giant Ground Hog showed up.

To hear the Admiral tell it, the Ground Hog proceeded to start undermining his entire house with holes big enough for New York subway cars to get through. Not only that but everything the Admiral planted, and he was well known for his abundant flower and vegetable gardens, seem to disappear over night.

Gibby put out the standard traps and the Giant Ground Hog made a mockery of them, casting them aside during nightfall. One morning the Admiral heard a real fuss in a trap only to discover he’d caught one of the cats in the neighborhood. After a few futile weeks he called in the Animal Control specialists and the Giant Ground Hog set out to show them how little they knew about trapping. Every day it seemed they would show up, find the discarded traps, and bring bigger ones. It got so we were worried the Admiral might go out some night and get caught in his own traps.

When the shotgun blasts started one night and in a matter of days it seemed like World War III was about to break out the Coltons Point Times decided it was time to get to the bottom of this situation. Long about sundown a reporter was sent to the Admiral’s homestead and sure enough, there stood Gibby staring out across his lawn with a shot gun in his hands waiting to spot the Giant Ground Hog before it could finish leveling his home. About ten feet directly behind the Admiral stood the wily old Ground Hog, up on his hind legs chewing an apple and watching to see what the old man was going to shoot next. For the longest time our reporter stood there watching the Giant Ground Hog watch Admiral Gibby. Finally he waddled off to the woods and not a shot was fired that night.

Rumor has it after several months of warfare either Gibby finally got the varmint or the varmint packed up and left for greener pastures. Then again, since the next occupants under the Admiral’s house were skunks, maybe the Giant Ground Hog decided to seek fresher air.

America – The Driven Society

Okay, it’s the middle of February and we’ve already seen the Golden Globe Awards, Screen Actors Guild Awards, Directors Guild Awards and the Grammy Awards. In a couple of weeks we have the Academy Awards, to be followed by the Country Music Awards and Emmy Awards. Haven’t you had enough?

Don’t forget the NCAA Football Championship, the Super Bowl, and the upcoming NCAA Basketball March Madness Championship. Of course Reality TV offers us a virtual smorgasbord of competitions including America’s favorite American Idol, Nashville Star, the top chefs, models, designers, nannies, adinfnitum.

Let’s face it, America is obsessed with competition, with the strong beating up the weak, with a win at all costs and with an arrogance that we can be best at anything. Even our leisure time is spent watching an endless string of competitions on television, at games, kids soccer, cheerleaders, even when it comes to SAT scores. There are probably more heart attacks watching these competitions than at work.

The result, baseball’s home run champions are on steroids, tracks stars are on drugs, and now NASCAR champions are caught cheating with their cars. Do we ever stop trying to find a way to enhance performance illegally? Well, okay, maybe Viagra is a legal performance enhancement but most methods are not.

I often wonder are the millions of fanatics watching so they can cheer for the winners or ridicule the losers? Why do we get so worked up over sports, or entertainment? To find the answer I turned to the Pointer Philosopher & Psychiatrist Hillbilly Joe.

Me: What are your credentials Hillbilly?
Hillbilly: I dunno.
Me: Sounds good to me. At least you admit it.
Hillbilly: Not on purpose.
Me: So what, in your learned loftiness do you think of the obsession with competitiveness of American society?
Hillbilly: It’s a by product, sort of the folly of the capitalistic system.
Me: Really?
Hillbilly: The inevitable conclusion of greed driven performance and a waste based economy.
Me: My goodness, that’s pretty deep Hillbilly. I take it you have some doubts about capitalism.
Hillbilly: I have no doubt it’s doomed.
Me: So what, in your omnipotent opinion, is wrong with our society?
Hillbilly: Too many people stopped nursing too soon, were raised by surrogate parents, were instilled with false ideals and were taught to worship gold, not realizing it was fools gold.
Me: So where did we go wrong?
Hillbilly: When you drive off the cliff it’s a bit too late to worry about where you went wrong.
Me: This is pretty serious stuff Hillbilly.
Hillbilly: Interview is over. Got to go watch Ghost Whisperers.
Me: Any reason in particular?
Hillbilly: Love that “Love”. She’s well equipped to handle the dead.

Too Cold? The Weather Watchers Series

Down here on the Point we have a way of knowing when it is too cold. It’s when all the Point People Walkers stay in for the day. If a day goes by and you don’t see at least three of the following people walking around the Point then it is just too damn cold for people to be out. Our weather indictors are King Bob, the Ink Spot, Cheerleader Sue, Haughty Helen, Brash Bren and Dogman Joe.

Maybe they should have stayed home.

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Weather indicators can be gleaned from their absence on the streets. Another way to tell when it is cold is when the roar of the lawn tractor fleet is gone. Duke Deere will pretty much be out in any kind of weather so when his Deere is silent watch out. Hillbilly Joe is never far behind. If Duke and Hillbilly are at work Mayor Bob or Dogman will always be out if it is humanly possible and if they go out on the tractors so will Admiral Gibby.

Histories Mysteries - A Light Hearted View of the Pilgrims Progress in Coltons Point

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St. Clements Island Lighthouse & Pilgrims Rest Stop

Many of you may remember this classic work of literature by English author John Bunyan first published in 1678. He was in jail when he wrote it in 1675 for participating in religious services outside the auspices of the Church of England, the only allowable religion at the time. Well we decided to track the Pilgrims Progress here in Coltons Point as it was the first stop over of religious outcasts from England just 40 years before John Bunyan was imprisoned and were it not for the Calvert family back in England many of our ancestors might have been in jail with Bunyan.

In 1632 George Calvert, who had been King James I of England’s principal Secretary of State at a time when the conflict between Catholic Europe and Protestant England was most serious, was granted a charter to what is now the State of Maryland. After George’s death in 1633 his son Cecil inherited his charter and determining that his brother, Leonard Calvert was the family member most expendable, sent Lenny to lead the expedition to America and establish a settlement around religious freedom. November 23, 1633 about 150 pilgrims got in two ships, the Ark and the Dove, and set out on a treacherous four month winter journey to America.

On March 25, 1634 the ships landed at Clements Island a stones throw from Coltons Point and between 150 and 300 people got off the boat, went to the bathroom, and started negotiating with the Yaocomico natives on shore for a permanent settlement. March 25 is now known as Maryland Day, the day the Catholics came to America and the holiday is celebrated everywhere but right here where it happened. Maybe we could fix that.

So the natives finally agreed they could have St. Mary’s City downstream for a settlement, there was no reason to mess up the Island or the Point with a new development, a position that remains pretty much true today. Just two years later, in 1636 and in spite of the fact he didn’t really own it Lord Baltimore went and gave the Island and Point to Thomas Gerard with the grant showing the Island was 400 acres.

Today the Island has 40 acres. It has been 370 years (1636-2006) since the first measurement of the Island in 1636 and over that time 360 acres have disappeared into the waters. Nearly an acre a year for 370 years have vanished meaning in the year 2046 the island will be gone completely and join the legends of the sea such as Atlantis.

A comprehensive history of the Island and Point should be done and a lot of partial histories have been written and could form the basis for the definitive story. Until then I’m going to add my version of an incomprehensible history to the collection.

So Lord Baltimore gave this disappearing Island to Gerard and in 1669 the Blackistone family took it over and kept it for 162 years. After that other families, possibly a beer company and a tobacco company and who knows who else claimed ownership.

During the American Revolution the Island was headquarters for the British troops. Oops, wrong side. Thirty years later during the war of 1812 it again was occupied by the British troops.

In 1853 a lighthouse was built on Clements Island for $5,000, and it survived for over 100 years before it mysteriously burnt down in 1956.

I believe in 1865 John Wilkes Booth came to the Point after shooting President Lincoln, during the missing week after the assassination, where he was supposed to catch a British ship and flee to England. Maybe the weather was bad, or for some other reason he went back and crossed into Virginia on his way to a much larger port. There is one heck of a story here along with the question, what did the English have to do with Lincoln’s death.

By 1883 the original St. Clements Manor House, built in 1636, was a hotel and beer garden in Coltons Point and became so popular it attracted ferry boat loads of tourists from Baltimore and Washington. Three weekly steamers came down to Coltons Point for the dances that were held at the old Blackistone Hotel Pavilion.

The origin of the Coltons Point name is an unverified local legend as is so much of the history surrounding the Point. R. Johnson Colton, the first Pointer Postmaster, is said to have won the acreage in a poker game in the 1800s. John Colton, vice president of government affairs for the Maryland Forests Association and R. Johnson Colton's great-grandson said it's possible. "I come from a family of card players," he said. A generation later, his grandfather supposedly won a house in nearby Clements the same way.

In the meantime in 1919 the Island was sold to the US government – used for training and weapons testing during the 1940’s, and by the 1960’s the State of Maryland took control of it.

Back in the Point by 1933 Coltons Point was known as Kopel’s Point and the manor house/hotel was now the Kopel’s Point Hotel, a time few local townspeople seem willing to talk much about. Two hurricanes the next few years pretty much destroyed the hotel by the early 1950's and it was never rebuilt. King Bob and the Ink Spot might finally be willing to talk about this time in their family history that is shrouded in mystery.

Just across the Potomac from Coltons Point in Westmoreland County Virginia three rather important historical figures were born and raised, George Washington, James Madison and Robert E. Lee. We would do well to take a little credit for them.

In the 1960’s a group of childhood friends, some descendants of the original settlers, some might even have been the original settlers, formed The Optimist Club of the Seventh District and at the urging of Father John J. Madigan started the Blessing of the Fleet Festival. That brings us up to date.

Like I mentioned there have been a few decent articles written about various parts of the history of Clements Island and Coltons Point. None tells the whole story. We would like to appeal to the public to help fill in the missing gaps in our history. If you have boring details and family histories give them to the St. Mary’s Historical Society. If you have scandalous stories, myths, rumors or information provocative in nature give them to the Coltons Point Times. We only want the fun stuff.

Consider that Jamestown was first settled in 1607 but disappeared in time. Fact is none of the early settlements in the colonies including Jamestown, Williamsburg, Middle Plantation, St. Mary’s City, etc. survived so who knows, Coltons Point could claim a spot in history right up there with Williamsburg, Busch Gardens and all the other famous historical sites.

The Road to Stardom with Billy Bush

Billy Bush, the ego starved host of Access Hollywood on NBC cannot resist the temptation to make himself a bigger celebrity than the celebrities he is supposed to showcase. But his latest escapade on TV has reached a new low in egomania, and it makes one wonder if NBC or the other networks carrying the show are a party to this nonsense.

Not content to just interview celebrities, Billy has decided that whatever Paris Hilton does he can do so he decided to become a recording star using the show to make himself what he isn’t, a record star. Now at least Paris had her own money to do this.

Billy used the show to get the best writers, producers, voice coaches and engineers to try and make him sound good. In the process he used all the resources of national television exposure to advance his personal career and didn’t pay a cent like every other artist in America must do.

Even a top producer, David Foster, was conned into the act and wound up looking like a stooge or patsy for helping someone with little talent to look good. Foster sold his soul for a few bucks and three nights of TV exposure. His integrity went down the toilet.

As for the Bush boy, his supercharged ego is beginning to drag co-host Nancy O’Dell down with him and we can only hope she can escape before her integrity is shot as well. Nancy is one of the few really good, objective hosts left on TV.

What in the world are the show producers thinking?

What About the Other History Months?

There was a letter the other day in the Enterprise about eliminating Black History month because it is a disruptive influence on all the students not Black and for a variety of other reasons. Perhaps the more proper thing to do would be to honor all the appropriate major ethnic groups in the American population and maybe the Native Americans since they seemed to have been exploited by everyone else.

Think about it. Some estimates are there were about 100 million Native Americans when the white man showed up 500 years ago. Since then they are the only ethnic group in America to have lost population, and not just lost it but seen it nearly wiped out. Now (2005 US Census estimates) there are just 2.3 million Native Americans left, a whopping loss of 97.7 million people lost to the progress of civilization. They deserve at least one History Month if not a whole year of attention.

Of the rest of the groups Black History month seems to be the only one receiving an entire month of study by our schools. In America Blacks make up 12.1% of the population compared to 74.6% White, 14.5% Hispanic, and 4.3% Asian. Thanks to the march of mankind the Native Americans, once the only people in America, are now down to less than 1% of the population and if it weren’t for their casinos they’d probably be extinct.

So the Native Americans deserve at least a month so they won’t be forgotten. The Whites, since there are six times as many as the Blacks, would also seem to warrant a History Month. There are more Hispanics than Blacks and the Hispanics have a few bones of their own to pick with America since they once owned all the land from Texas to California so maybe we should give them a History Month as well. There are 41.8 million Hispanics compared to 34.9 million Blacks but if we add the 10 million more illegal immigrants there are more like 51 million Hispanics here, 17.6% of the population.

That leaves us with the Asians, 12.4 million strong, and they now control the automobile and electronics industries worldwide so we better not upset them or we won’t have cell phones, HD TV or reliable cars. I say give them at least three weeks to a full History Month as well.

We would now have a Black History Month, White History Month, Hispanic History Month, Asian History Month, and Native American History Month. If we were truly fair we must look to the ancestry of all Americans for a full picture. As of 2000 the Census Bureau said there were 42.8 million Americans of German ancestry, 30.5 million Irish, 24.5 million English, 15.6 million Italian, and more than 4 million Polish, French, Scottish, Dutch, Norwegian, Scotch-Irish and Swedish.

That means we need 16 months to celebrate all the diverse ethnic groups with more population in America than the Native Americans. According to the national educational test results our kids aren’t learning much anyway so at least we could teach them a little about themselves. We could also extend school to year round so we don’t have kids hanging around in the summer, so teachers are working for time they are already paid, so there are more jobs available at McDonalds for senior citizens, and so high school football teams could start practicing earlier in the summer.

Diane Sawyer for Vice President!

There is a huge foreign policy problem in the White House that comes from decades of stagnation, inertia and plain old playground bullying. Look at the advisors that have the President's ear. There is Vice President Cheney and no other unless they were cronies of Cheney like Rumsfeld. Poor Condi Rice has been a mouthpiece for the ancients as long as she has been there which means she has no credibility when it comes to challenging the boys in the backroom.

Hey, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the gang have served the nation since Gerry Ford was President and most people don't even remember those days. We've had Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton and Bush 2 since those days, eight full terms of presidents, and over 30 years since they were new faces in the nation's capitol. You can't really expect new ideas for correcting the problems of the world when the policy makers are from the geriatric set. The world they grew up in no longer exists. Perhaps it is time they no longer exist in control of policy that is outdated and unrealistic for the world of tomorrow.

In recent months ABC correspondent Diane Sawyer, Kentucky's gift to the media mess reporting on world affairs, has quietly and calmly secured interviews with people the Bush Administration refuses to talk to on some long forgotten principles. She has been to North Korea and Syria, met with and interviewed the leaders, learned more about them than the collective efforts of our 18 intelligence agencies, and outlined a path to peace which just might work.

Instead of thanking her for finding out exactly what the leaders of these nations are thinking, the White House continued their playground bully practices. The mouthpieces for the president blasted the countries for backing terrorism, not securing their borders, and all the other things the old boys could dredge up from the sabre rattling days of old when the world was black and white. Haven't they learned anything to date?

The Syrian President said it best when he said the USA can't even secure the border with Mexico, how can they expect other countries to secure borders with hostile nations. Remember Mr. Bush, between 13 and 20 million people have illegally slipped through our southern border. Heaven knows how many more came through the thousands of miles of Canadian border.

It is a new world calling for new ideas and new ambassadors to seek out the new solutions. The old boys have had their day in the sun, now it is time for fresh faces without the baggage of the old boys. Bush could still pull off a reversal and not end up the most unpopular president in history if he has the ability to lead rather than do what he is told.

We can start the long road to healing the world rather than threatening the world if Vice President Cheney would resign for health reasons. It is a perfectly legitimate excuse. He can’t even shoot straight. Bush could then appoint Diane Sawyer as the new Vice President and give her the authority to negotiate one on one with our adversaries, which she has already done. No one in the Administration has even met these people.

Sawyer is humble, cool and knowledgeable, something in short supply in our nation's capitol, in politics and in the news media. Most important she is open-minded and already has access to the very people the Administration cannot talk to for fear of looking weak I guess. Wake up Bush and demonstrate you are capable of original thought, of pioneering peace rather than retribution, of shedding the bonds that bind you to the worn out ideas of the past. Give our nation back to the people. Let common sense rule over the playground bullying we know does not work.

You tried trusting the intelligence agencies and look what it got. You trusted the military and look what that got. You trusted your advisors and look what that got. You’ve trusted everyone no one else trusts. Maybe it’s time you trust someone others do trust, someone like Diane Sawyer, the girl from Kentucky Bluegrass country.

The history books might read you had the first female VP in history. You tore down the barriers of hate between the Syrians and other Moslems and the USA. You eliminated the DMZ between the Koreas. I mean you might even be able to sell tickets to your future presidential library at some point in time. Think about it.