THE CPT ILLUSTRATED PRESIDENTIAL POLL OF 2008 - YOU DECIDE!

I am sick of reading and hearing about the polling nonsense every day concerning the presidential election. How many times do the political pundits have to prove how stupid they can be? Political polls in the media have about the same degree of accuracy as the weather man and we all know a single digit IQ qualifies you to be a meterologist.

So we are having our own poll and we are declaring the accuracy to be within 1 to 3% of the accuracy of all those political polls in our face every morning. While they claim statistical accuracy because they use voting age, eligible voters, registered voters and likely voters or whatever might be the fad that morning, we claim statistical accuracy because we simply don't care.

They have a poll sample of between 300 and 2000. Now how in the world can 300-2000 interviews tell you what 300 million people think? So we are conducting a single interview assuming our single citizen does indeed represent a cross section of America. We are going to interview Hillbilly Joe from Coltons Point.

Now some Coltons Pointers are not big on reading, Hillbilly being among them so we are going to use pictures to ask questions in hopes of getting coherent responses. Here is our first Illustrated Presidential Poll of 2008.

CPT: Who do you like for president between these two characters?

Hillbilly: That's it? Those are my only choices? What ever happened to the great American heroes like Ronald Reagan or John Wayne. What happened to America?

CPT: These are the choices the people decided on during the primaries.

Hillbilly: Must be more idiots in America than I thought. Daddy is right, we are being overrun.

CPT: So I guess you are undecided. Which one of these two has the image you want for your president?

Hillbilly: That ain't right man. Somthing just ain't right. Where is my old bomb shelter? We are in deep shit!

CPT: That's okay Hillbilly. How about their position on war, which one is closer to your stand on war of these two?

Hillbilly: Good Lord, are we being punished by Divine Providence or what? One wants to fight and one wants to run. One wants to fight forever and one wants to stop in 16 months. Ain't there no happy medium? Can't we just kick some ass and get it over with like the good old days?

CPT: So you must disagree. How about on the economy?

Hillbilly: What the hell do they know about the economy? They're both on federal welfare aren't they? Both US Senators. And both live off their rich women. McCain should retire to Bora Bora while he can still enjoy his wife and Obama should retire to Hollywood where he can really make some big bucks in movies about presidents.

CPT: So who do you want for president?

Hillbilly: Good thing I ain't got no kids. They'd be cursed by the choices we make this generation. The people didn't nominate these dudes, the media did! So I say pass a law and make the network media stars liable for the next president. Whatever happens they are to blame, not us!

CPT: So who are you going to vote for?

Hillbilly: Are you crazy? I'd lose my lifetime Redneck membership if I backed either one. Ole McCain changes position every day and I ain't got a clue what Obama's position is to begin with. It's like Clinton and Bush. They all came from the same place, speak the same double talk, and think the American public has been taking stupid pills for life!

CPT: What place is that Hillbilly?

Hillbilly: You know, Yale, Harvard, those uppity, uppity Ivy League schools where they are brainwashed from birth. I ain't registered to vote and I ain't voting and that's all there is to it! Now leave me alone dude, I'm going to see Rambo 5 at the movies.